With You I'm Born Again
by breathingslow
Summary: She didn't want to be the girl with the sweet boyfriend who thought of the one that got away.  But again, if she was being honest, he would be labeled as the one she pushed away.  Set in S5, slightly AU.  Lucas/Peyton, in time.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ** Hey, everyone! I'm back, and this time I have the very first chapter to my very first full length fanfiction. As of right now, it's titled "With You I'm Born Again", but seeing as I'm indecisive, that could change any day. Just a warning, it's very short, but I think you'll get a pretty good idea of what's going on after you've finished reading it. Read and Review, please! I need all the opinions I can get!

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**Chapter One.**

Peyton wasn't sure what was keeping her awake. Maybe it was the unfamiliar bed, maybe it was being back home after two years, or maybe it was the heat of the room that threatened to suffocate her with every passing second. At this point, she didn't even care, she just wanted to sleep for another few hours before having to get up and face another day. Turning on her side, she took a moment to study the figure next to her, the moonlight seeping in through the window illuminating his face gently. She smiled faintly, her eyes roaming over the scruff on his face, then down over his t-shirt covered torso, and back up toward his closed eyes. She considered waking him so that he could lull her back to sleep in that unconventional way that she loved, but decided against it. Her heart wasn't really in for that tonight. If she were being truthful, though, her heart hadn't been in for that-or him-for a long time.

Sighing heavily, she turned to her opposite side and stared out the window absentmindedly. She didn't want to be this way; plagued with thoughts about her old love. She didn't want to be the girl that settled, that made the safe choice instead of fighting for what she truly wanted and deserved. She didn't want to be the girl with the sweet boyfriend who thought of the one that got away. But again, if she was being honest, he would be labeled as the one she _pushed _away. As life would have it, though, she was all the things she didn't want to be. With her luck, she'd probably always be those things, as she was sure that Lucas had moved on by now. He couldn't possibly have waited for her, could he? She laughed silently to herself as she thought of how ironic her life had turned out to be. She'd always thought that by now, her and Lucas would still be together, maybe even engaged, and happy. But here they were; broken up for almost two years, her with Julian Baker at her side, and him... well, truth be told, she didn't know whether he was seeing someone or not. Considering the way they'd left things since that fateful day in LA, Peyton had decided that the best thing to do for the both of them was to keep her communication with Lucas on a strictly necessary basis. It had proved to be most helpful, save for the times that the pain of losing him hit her like a ton of bricks (which was quite often). On those days, she'd curl up with a copy of his novel and read it cover to cover, reveling in every word. After meeting Julian, however, she found her need to read his book so constantly subsiding, which was a very welcomed change. She'd grown tired of leaving tear marks on certain pages as she cried her way through them, tired of fingering the worn binding as she reminisced over the first time she'd purchased a copy. Simply put, she'd just grown tired. Sick and tired of everyone and everything, even LA. She knew the only way to fix that was to go back home, as much as she tried to find ways around it.

So, just two days ago, she'd called Brooke, arranged plans to fly into Tree Hill Airport with Julian, and shack up in Brooke's newly purchased home for a few days before figuring out permanent living arrangements. They'd just gotten in tonight, and Peyton had quickly declined all of Brooke's requests to meet up with their old high school friends; stating that her and Julian would rather spend a night in, putting a somewhat suggestive nature in her tone so that her bubbly best friend would believe everything was alright. She wasn't in the mood for reunions and introductions. She wasn't in the mood to see him; his blue eyes, perfect stature, brooding expressions. She didn't want to see any part of him, because she knew that with how vulnerable she was feeling, she wouldn't be able to handle it. And she couldn't do that to Julian-she couldn't fall apart over her old high school flame in front him, she wouldn't. He was too good for that, and for her. If there was any bit of the Peyton Sawyer that Lucas had once wrote about left in her, Peyton would be thanking god that he'd sent her such a sweet, caring, and loyal guy to help her through all of this. Instead, here she was, lying in bed next to the guy that loved her, thinking about the one that didn't anymore. The one that she still loved with all her heart. The one that she would always love. Turning onto her back for a third time, Peyton stared blankly up at the ceiling and only thought one thing:

_What the hell have I gotten myself into?_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey, everyone! First off, I just want to thank everyone who took the time to review the first chapter, it really means a lot to me and is great motivation to keep writing! With that said, I'm back with the second chapter. It's a tad longer than the first, and this time, it's written in Lucas' POV and has some LP interaction. ) I hope you guys enjoy it, and as always, R/R!

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**Chapter Two.**

Lucas needed to get out, needed fresh air. He needed to escape the thoughts that were eating him alive, to clear his mind. There was only one place that he could truly do just that, so he grabbed his basketball and exited out of his bedroom, headed for the Rivercourt. He'd opted to walk, rather than drive in his car, the distance doing him some good. Before he knew it, he was there, and the figure he saw before him took him by complete surprise. He had to be dreaming, because there was no way that she'd suddenly come back after the way they'd left things. Or had she? He honestly hadn't the slightest clue in that moment. The only thing he knew was that he'd missed her, and that she'd come home.

"Peyton?" He intended for his voice to be a lot stronger, but from the moment he saw her—all s_kinny arms and tangled mess of hair_—Lucas couldn't speak. He looked her up and down for a brief second, taking mental note of how good she looked and temporarily pushing back the voice in his head that was speaking of all the things he'd now like to do to her. He couldn't think of her that way, not after all this time. Quietly, he released the breath he was holding as he saw her look up and smile, taking that as a sign he could pull her in for a hug.

They separated, and he looked awkwardly at the ground for something to say. He wanted to say something, _anything_, but instead he found himself studying her again; smirking absentmindedly as he watched her cross her arms in front of her-a gesture done out of habit rather than defensiveness.

"Lucas Scott. How long's it been?"

"Two years," His reply came out slightly more bitter than he wanted it to, but he was used to being unguarded as far as Peyton was concerned. It'd been that way ever since they were in high school, why should now be any different? "You're back." He continued, his tone unchanging.

"Yeah. Just flew in a couple days ago, actually."

"Where—where are you staying?" He asked, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer. She could be living with some new guy already for all he knew.

"With Brooke," She answered, looking away from him rather quickly. He got the sense that there was something she wasn't telling him, but he didn't want to push it. Instead, he motioned to her to come with him, and they walked toward the picnic table, sitting next to each other. He turned his head to look at her, and saw that she was staring blankly into the night. He wanted to ask what was on her mind, but he was pretty sure that he lost the right to know those things sometime ago.

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Lucas was now laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He had returned home about an hour ago, too alert and consumed with thoughts to even consider sleeping. The echo of the last bit of their conversation was hanging over him like some dark and gloomy storm cloud. She'd hurt him with her words, but maybe he'd looked for it. After all, he was the one that asked, right?

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"_You know, I came home because I needed to find myself again. Because I was tired of having to answer to the big hot shot executives at my label. They believed more in the image than the music, they tried to make me believe that music can't change people's worlds. I'm thinking of starting my own, you know. A label."_

"_Well, if anyone's capable of starting the next great record label, it's you," Lucas said quietly. They were both looking down at the ground now, struggling for their next set of words. He looked up, a sudden tinge of sadness and anger hitting him. "Why didn't you come? To the book signing, in LA."_

"_Luke, I knew we weren't meant to be." She answered quietly, after a moment. He looked at her, taken aback. She was looking at him with a pained expression on her face, as if it suddenly physically hurt her to be there with him. Taking that as his cue to end their conversation, he simply nodded his head, avoiding her gaze as he stood up from the table, grabbed his basketball, and left. He'd began his walk home, not looking back for a good while until his guilt got the best of him. He turned back around to see her standing in the center of Rivercourt, staring down at the signatures they had all spray painted so many years ago._

"_Peyton," She looked up, her face bare of any expressions. "I'll be seeing you."_

_

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_

He laughed bitterly to himself as he thought of what she said. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that they were meant to be—that they are, but he couldn't do that. Hell, he didn't even have the balls to ask whether or not she was seeing someone, but was all too happy that she didn't volunteer that information on her own. Restless, he decided to try and get some writing done. Since his first novel, he hadn't been able to come up with a second piece of work. He'd felt stuck, and truthfully, lost. Not to mention, he'd been spending a lot of time with Haley and Jamie since Nathan's accident, but that was neither here nor there.

He began working on autopilot, his fingers gracefully moving over the keyboard in such a rhythm that he surprised even himself. He looked at the clock to find that three hours had passed, and as a result, he had produced about five and a half pages of material he could send to his editor, Lindsey. _That should get her off my back_, he thought, placing the file into an email and typing out a quick message to her. Once the message was sent, he shut his laptop and proceeded to change for bed. A few minutes later, Lucas was lying in the darkness, the silence loud and deafening. He closed his eyes in attempt to block out his thoughts and fall asleep, but that failed when all he saw was Peyton's face. He smiled as he imagined the way she looked tonight; still the same, but very different at the same time; still very beautiful. Still, he couldn't help but feel angry at her. How could she have just walked away from everything they had? How could she turn her back on him, on them? How could she break his heart? There were so many unanswered questions Lucas had, but he wasn't even sure if he wanted to know the answers to them. The only thing he was sure of was that she was still his, and he was still hers, even if she didn't realize it yet. He knew that he wanted to be with her, despite fear of getting burned again. He knew, in his heart that they belonged together.

He contemplated telling her everything that he felt, but he didn't want to risk anything so soon, especially with the biggest unanswered question of all hanging in the air. He didn't want to believe that she was seeing someone, although he couldn't blame her if she was. What man _wouldn't _want her? Did he want her to be happy? Of course he did, he wanted that more than anything. But truth be told, he just wanted _them _to be happy—him and Peyton, together. He wanted _that _more than anything. Unfortunately, he was rendered powerless for the time being, his only option was to endure the situation as it may come and hope that somewhere along the line, she'd see that they belong together, too.


End file.
